it's 130 in the morning, and i am eating a bowl of cereal

This is because I dont have any food in my house, and also have no fucking money to go buy food..

so cereal it is for now...


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oh my god, there is SO much going on right now--- my thoughts were to come home and get drunk... but decided against it..for now, i suppose--- i didnt want to drink on an empty stomach, and mine seriously was..

i m trying to figure out what i am doing with extra classes that i am going to be taking at Nassau, along with the ones at John Jay-- i just know that i have about three more years until i get my masters... and what am i going to do for three more years? work at olive garden? it's not that bad of a job.. but i want more for myself. so i went by nassau today and took some music placement tests and filled out some paperwork.. hopefully i can get into the studio recording tech program and go on the days that i am not at john jay.. we'll see..

found out a pretty good friend of mine died yesterday of a fucking overdose.... it's hard to believe--- if i had known the last time i spoke to her that it would be the VERY last time, i would have tried to think of something more meaningful to say...

my mom is VERY SICK. she had two seizures back to back yesterday... hasnt been able to keep any food down... or water... and therefore no medicine.. she hasnt had any fucking food in her stomach since sunday afternoon-- i am damn worried about her... my father said that he is going to be taking her to the hospital tomorrow if she doesnt improve in a few hours... i was speaking to her on the phone yesterday-- she sounded really off.. i knew something was up, and i asked her what was wrong.. she just said that she was really tired... dad said that the minute after she hung up with me, she went down in a seizure-- he caught her before she hit the damn ground... i wish i had kept her on the phone longer...

ugh-- there is so much else... but some of it i really cant post here on a public forum.. and moreso... i have to keep working on other shit, while i am still awake..

i swear to god, i never get a fucking break